here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
