So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
