Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
