sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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