i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
