so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
