his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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