I didn't shave. On purpose
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
