And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
