It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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