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Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I want her autograph on my taint
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
