if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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