I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He passed out mid-signature
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
