I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
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I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
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Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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