I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
