i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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