If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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