That's intense
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
