Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
