Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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