Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
