He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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