I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
