Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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