Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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