I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
