You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
