i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
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when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
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Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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