You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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