I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
