yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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