If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Do you have feelings for this penis?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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