he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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