He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
