I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
