I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
