The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
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After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
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I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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