My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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