Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
