oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
