she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
