when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
