I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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