can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Randomize
