for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
