it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
