I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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