i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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