FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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