This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
