Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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