he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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