You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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