I hate all girls vehemently.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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