Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
