your room smells of hookers.
And success
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
