what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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