i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
