Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
