K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
