apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
