this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
