i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
