Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
