Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
