I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
