The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
