textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
