white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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