I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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