Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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