as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
