So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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