Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she was so not down for the gang bang
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
